By Cindy Phillips
posted
Oct 18, 2012
It's been a long time since I heard the term May-December
romance. It refers to a romantically-involved couple with a
significant age difference. I have girlfriends who seem to be
attracted to younger men and they often extol the virtues of such a
relationship to me. Call me old-fashioned, but I just want a nice
July-July romance in my life.
I remember when I was 15 years old and I dated a boy who was 18.
I lived in fear that my mother would find out and promptly chain me
to a pole in our basement. It was only a three-year age difference,
but when my daughters hit teen years, I understood just how crucial
that difference could be. In looking back, I realize that
18-year-old Gibby Meisner was definitely a bit more worldly than
15-year-old me. Let's just say he was used to getting to third base
and even home plate and I had never even gone to bat. He eventually
dumped me for 17-year-old Maria LaPiana, an artistic type who was
much less prudish than me.
There have been infamous May-December romances - Anna Nicole
Smith and J. Howard Marshall, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Susan
Sarandon and Tim Robbins. Hmmm, it appears none of them ended up in
the happily-ever-after category. Is it just a matter of time before
reality sets in?
For some reason, older men with younger women has traditionally
been more accepted in society than the other way around, though
that is a rapidly changing tide. Actually, the younger man-older
woman connection makes much more sense. We women live longer, hit
our sexual peaks later and ascribe to products, surgeries and
regimens that keep us looking younger. So a 50-year-old Boomer
woman doesn't necessarily look out of place with a 35-year-old
male. But is that enough?
Relationships are about so much more than who has the looks, who
has the money and who is more fun. It is about caring for each
other when one gets sick, it's about working your way together
through the rough times, it's about raising children together, it's
about having things in common and it's about growing old together
and reaching the golden years on the same schedule.
When you are younger, I guess the thought of being with an older
man has some appeal. At 20, a 40-year-old is nearing the height of
his career and chipping away at lofty financial goals. It paints a
picture of security. At 30, a 50-year-old appears dapper, mature,
financially secure and honing in on retirement. The picture is not
only of security, but of the possibility of leaving the work force
and retiring with him. Plus, he is still capable of making
babies.
But now that I am closing in on the ability to qualify for
senior discounts at the movies, I see the reality - and I must
admit it causes me to chuckle. What that younger woman doesn't
think about is her mature man is eventually going to succumb to the
effects of old age, both physically and mentally. Any woman who was
a fan of Sex and the City remembers when Samantha dated the old
codger. He showered her with expensive jewelry, lavish dinners and
promises of more to come. But the defining moment was when she
caught a glimpse of his sagging butt as he shuffled to the
bathroom. She couldn't run away fast enough.
We all get old. Our skin loses elasticity and our brain gets a
little fuzzy. I want the comfort of knowing my partner is on a
parallel timeline. It's nice to know you can depend on each other
to trim the hair that appears in noses and ears and to pluck out
the grays. It's less stressful to take a road trip when he has to
make as many bathroom stops as you. Together you can reminisce
about the old days even though neither of you can remember what you
had for dinner the night before. Together you can shop for
bifocals, hearing aids and shower chairs. I want to be comfortable
wearing a bathing suit knowing he has love handles equivalent to
mine.
Yes, there's an ugly side to growing old, but there is also a
beautiful side when you share it with someone of the same
generation. It's remembering episodes of television shows you
watched as a kid. It's listening to the Beatles and remembering the
album covers. It's dancing close while listening to Sinatra. It's
recalling where you were when Kennedy was shot. It's naming the
Mousekateers, memories of spending Saturdays at the roller rink and
knowing that each of your prom songs were popular the same year.
It's about remembering Sister St. Andrew was your first grade
teacher.
So girls, take the advice of a gracefully aging Boomer whose
been there, done that. The next time you think about spending your
life with an older man, envision what it will look like and feel
like in 20 years or 30 years. Like Samantha, you just may realize
you are better off playing with someone your own age.
