Column, Movie Diary

Sizing up my kid

By Dom Cioffi

My son and I have reached an interesting crossroads: we both wear the exact same size in our clothing, shoes, and headwear. I imagine this happens to many parents, but I wasn’t prepared for the repercussions of this convergence.

It started with the shoes.

About six months ago we wandered into a sporting goods store to buy yet another pair of sneakers (my son wears out sneakers faster than I can grow a beard). However, before I let him look around, I asked the salesman to measure his foot. The young man pulled out the black and silver measuring device, fiddled around a bit, and then definitively stated, “Looks like he’s a size 12.”

My son’s expression was priceless. Only six months earlier, he was a size 11. He smiled widely, crossed his arms, and then confidently stated, “Well, I guess this means I can finally wear your sneakers.”

My son was referring to the cache of basketball sneakers I have stored in my closet. My playing days are over, but I still have a multitude of classic high tops that I wear when I coach. And since they don’t see much playing time, they continue to look fantastic.

I chuckled and told him to think again. Those sneakers have served me well for years and I’m not about to have him destroy them in a matter of weeks. Conversely, I was thinking that any new sneaker I buy him could now be utilized by me. There’s no way I’m buying myself the new Steph Curry 6’s, but if he has them, I see no reason why I can’t wear them once in a while.

Next came the shirt tops.

I float between a large and extra-large depending on the brand. My son was a medium until a few months ago when I saw him wearing a t-shirt that looked conspicuously small on his frame. When I looked at the tag, it said “Men’s Medium.”

The next shirt I bought him was a large and it fit perfectly.  That’s when he smiled again, knowing that he could now wear any number of the fashionable golf shirts I own from Nike, Under Armor, and Adidas.

I’m also a big fan of long sleeve t-shirts, especially the Dry-Fit versions. They aren’t cheap, but they’re super comfortable.

The other day I heard my son yell to me as he headed out the door. “I’m going to get a grinder,” he barked. As I saw him jet away on his bike, I noticed that he had one of these long-sleeve shirts on, stylishly matched to a pair of my gym shorts.

He’s also been borrowing my baseball caps more frequently. I have three hats for golf: one white, one black, and one gray. They’re all high quality and they all look great even though I’ve had them for some time. When I get done wearing them, I hang them up immediately, so they can dry out and maintain their form.

The other day, I was going through my son’s knapsack and stuffed inside was my $35 white Nike golf cap crushed into a side zipper with half of a lollipop stuck to it.

I now hide my hats.

The final piece of clothing was the pants. Up until very recently, my son still had slight hips, but over the last couple months, all that has changed; he’s filled out considerably.

When I told him to throw on a pair of his school khakis to apply for a summer job, he came downstairs laughing, unable to zip them up due to another growth spurt. In desperation, I ran into my closet and pulled out a pair of mine. And wouldn’t you know it, they fit perfectly.

The only real hurdle left is for my son to surpass me in height. I stand at 6-foot 1 inch. He’s not far behind at 6-foot. Speaking of far off, this week’s feature, “Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga,” begins its journey in Iceland and features two aspiring pop stars who dream of changing the world with their music.

Starring Will Ferrell and Rachel McAdams, “Eurovision Song Contest” (an actual international song competition), is a hokey romantic comedy that is cheesy on the romance and devoid of much comedy.

There is great love for the Eurovision Song Contest throughout Europe and adjacent nations. Netflix and Ferrell saw this as a viable platform to build a movie around. But while the concept was good, the execution lacked any of the necessary laugh-out-loud moments that make a film efficacious.

Check this one out if you’re a fan of Ferrell’s goofy comedic style. Just don’t go in expecting another “Anchorman.”

A dissonant “C” for “Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga.”

Got a question email Dom at moviediary@att.net.

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